In the spirit of humor

more laughter = better leadership

Highlights from an HBR Article:

Social Intelligence and the Biology of Leadership

by Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis

Leading effectively is, in other words, less about mastering situations—or even mastering social skill sets—than about developing a genuine interest in and talent for fostering positive feelings in the people whose cooperation and support you need.

Mirror neurons (neurons that enable us to mirror the actions and emotions of those around us) have particular importance in organizations, because leaders’ emotions and actions prompt followers to mirror those feelings and deeds. The effects of activating neural circuitry in followers’ brains can be very powerful. In a recent study, our colleague Marie Dasborough observed two groups: One received negative performance feedback accompanied by positive emotional signals—namely, nods and smiles; the other was given positive feedback that was delivered critically, with frowns and narrowed eyes. In subsequent interviews conducted to compare the emotional states of the two groups, the people who had received positive feedback accompanied by negative emotional signals reported feeling worse about their performance than did the participants who had received good-natured negative feedback. In effect, the delivery was more important than the message itself. And everybody knows that when people feel better, they perform better. So, if leaders hope to get the best out of their people, they should continue to be demanding but in ways that foster a positive mood in their teams. The old carrot-and-stick approach alone doesn’t make neural sense; traditional incentive systems are simply not enough to get the best performance from followers.

Here’s an example of what does work. It turns out that there’s a subset of mirror neurons whose only job is to detect other people’s smiles and laughter, prompting smiles and laughter in return. A boss who is self-controlled and humorless will rarely engage those neurons in his team members, but a boss who laughs and sets an easygoing tone puts those neurons to work, triggering spontaneous laughter and knitting his team together in the process. A bonded group is one that performs well, as our colleague Fabio Sala has shown in his research. He found that top-performing leaders elicited laughter from their subordinates three times as often, on average, as did mid-performing leaders. Being in a good mood, other research finds, helps people take in information effectively and respond nimbly and creatively. In other words, laughter is serious business.

Full Article:

HBR article on social intelligence, psychology and leadership.

Control Top Pantyhose?

I like to be in control of my life. I mean who doesn't, ok, so there are probably some out there. But me, I like to be able to call the shots, be in the driver's seat, run a tight ship, etc..etc..

Not in a domineering feminist way, but in a "I like to know what the big picture is so I can figure out where I am and what I have to do in relation to it" kinda way. After all, I am an architect who needs to see the beautiful skyscraper.

Admittedly I am slow to see all the steps that get me from the drawing board to the finished product. It takes me a long time because I am able to see all the possible options and catastrophes that could ensue from choosing the different options available. My parents used to say I was bad at making decisions. I would argue that I am slow, but not bad. Slow because I have to take every option to its end game (you should try playing board games with me!). I also consider other peoples' feelings and how each outcome may affect them. This can eventually get paralyzing, especially when my wants and emotions conflict with someone else I care about. It takes me a very long time to work up the nerve to make a decision that hurts someone else.

But back to control. Hurting my back has left me feeling less in control. I want to make it better and can not. I want to go running and can not. I want to put on pantyhose and I can not. I want my dog walker to be gay and to get along with the lady on the first floor...you can guess how that is going. I want to find a really great man...

Unfortunately as hard as we try and as badly as we want to, we can not control others' decisions, and we can not control fate, or God, or chance, or whatever you would like to call the other force that is at play in the world. I will call it God, because somewhere deep down that feels right. I would like to will people to do things, to try and get them to come to the same decision that I want to make, but it doesn't usually work. I gave up trying to will God to come to the same decisions that I wanted in about 2006 after my first year of marriage. That is about when I stopped praying (at least in the traditional sense).

Prayer...preached as quiet time with God, or listening to His voice, or communion, nearly always turns into trying to convince God to make the decision we want. It is funny, I found I become better at listening to God the more I moved away from organized prayer. Ironically, organized prayer puts God on our terms, demands Him to fit into our schedule, puts us in control. I think God teaches us most things through our circumstances and through other people. If you think of it this way, listening to God, is just that, listening...while going about our days. When we try to control situations to fit our wants and needs, we stop listening. It is like trying to have a deep conversation with your spouse while there is an infomercial on in the background going on and on about that new car that you REALLY REALLY want. Turn off the TV and practice some good reflective listening skills....

Personal responsibility and reward for our actions...I love it

Individual incentives - Washington Times

oh, and a bit about how unhealthy our jobs and lifestyles have become.

Focus, focus, refocus

Pain....I have definitely covered this topic before. Probably the last time I was hurt. Pain has a way of focusing you. First it focuses you on it, then it focuses you on the things you want to do but can't because they hurt.

Lots of focus, but definitely not on the things that I need to focus on right now. There is this giant excel workbook that is staring back at me and I am trying to will it to finish itself. It is not going so well.

Why is it that now that my back hurts a lot all I can think about is wanting to go running. Actually that is morphing into really wanting to go swimming, just cause it seems like it would feel really good. But of course I can't get to a pool because I am stuck in the Buf. :(

So it seems to me that I have been hurt and sick a lot this year. That could partly be due to the fact that I have been working out more this year, but not consistently because of travel. However, the first year I was married I was sick and hurt a lot too....coincidence? I think not.

I know stress tends to manifest itself in physical ways for me. And I think part of my problem this year is probably stress. I think I am also getting old. Oh God! Yeah well not old, but older. And I have to realize that I can't just start and stop physical activity anymore. I have to stretch and I have to eat right and I have to take care of myself.

Interestingly enough the employees of the acquisition of my current client are under a tremendous amount of stress. The whole senior leadership team has had to have chest X-rays this past month. It is bad! So this made me think, at what point do our jobs start to kill us? Actually, physically kill us.

In one way I feel bad for complaining because I look at the generations before us and the conditions and jobs that they endured. But then I realize that in some ways our jobs today are probably equally unhealthy just in less obvious ways. My job consists of sitting, a lot. I sit on airplanes, I sit at desk chairs, conference chairs, in cars, in hotel rooms. I probably sit for at least 12 hours a day. If I didn't get up to go to the bathroom and get water, this sitting would be mostly uninterrupted. I stare at little text on a dimly lit screen, also for about 12 hours a day, sometimes a lot more. I carry my heavy luggage around, I breath in airplane exhaust, I eat fairly well, but still not lots of fruit and veggies, I get to work out only sporadically, or at least not with a consistent, base building repetition, in the same gym with good equipment, I spend 12 hours a day staring at a gray fabric wall under florescent lights, in a mold infested building. Now that the winter is approaching I will never see the sun. Etc, Etc...Oh and then there is the stress. So I guess it really shouldn't be a surprise that I am sick and hurt a lot. (Is it any wonder why I am a proponent of green building standards?!)

We know why we do it. $$$, or the security that $$$ provides. One of the senior leaders of the acquisition told me that he thinks about quitting and then he goes home and his kids come running up to him and he knows he can not. When he said this, I couldn't help but also think about the fact that he just had a chest X-ray done. When framed that way, it hardly seems worth it.